Read this!

Great little feature on Quack! Media by Chris Handyside, complete with interviews, commas -- you know all that other real journalist kinda stuff.

Good read

Like Atari Man, Played OUT

So there's this.

I have never attacked Mr. Holdship, I don't know him apart from his work and I have not used this blog to bash him. I may have referred to him on a backblog, but I really can't recall and if so, I may have been my usual callous disrespectful self.

But this is a pitiful bit of marketing and a sad attempt to get bloggers from the Blackwell end of the spectrum, to this shit hole printed on loose leaf via the technological wonder of dot matrix to link to a publication that is loosing it's franchise and whole reason for being very fast.

Let's start at the beginning. The 100 greatest songs, which I guess is sort of the quasi-topic of the post.

Why do publications publish lists? Because they are controversial, they spark debate and thus readership. It's a tried and true publishing/media tactic and one I have no problem with. The thing is, maybe they didn't get enough of a reaction, so they had to write their own blog about the reaction and controversy that hadn't happened.... this is dull.

A while back I wrote about the Detour/Blowout non-fight on this site because I found it interesting. By contrast I never mentioned the Metro Times list because it didn't seem worth it. It was frankly too obvious that they didn't secure the participation of anyone who found more recent rock or hip-hop to be that important -- but its not like I don't think Motown and John Lee Hooker are important -- they are. Boom Boom Boom Boom.

On to tactic two. Call the bloggers all out and we all respond in kind -- like the inevitable flame war the first week you got email.

This shit is just old and tired. Bill Holdonimcommin may or may not be old and tired -- but his work at Metro Times thus far has not inspired me to expect great things.

Oh did you write some important stuff in the past? Can you recall a great show when you spoke to a recognized name and had some banter about the new rock n' roller, who did I mention later changed his name to Bruce Springsteen and became very, very important? That's great man, I'm sure it would make an interesting book, I really do but right now you're making me thirsty. You have experience and credentials -- point taken, please move on.

Speaking of old and tired, were you aware that real journalists find the pseudonyms of bloggers to invalidate their opinions... fuck man, what is this 1999? Did they just hook up your Compuserve? Are you also tired of emails promising to increase the size of your penis? How about Airline food? WHAT IS THE DEAL? (This is the part where the blogger calls out the print guy who moved online and wrote something that's been said a billion times for being out of touch).

So where was I?

Oh yes. The metrotimes on bloggers.

Ben Blackwell is cool but he could be cooler and he's smart, but there just aren't enough incoherent paragraphs about him on the internet these days.

Jasper's a prick. They forgot to mention he's getting old and has sand in his va-jay-jay. His readers are worse, which isn't a big deal because there's no way their readership overlaps more than like 90-95%.

Grambo has a name, a brother with a job and has sex with Loftus (VERY VERY CLOSE!!!!). They forgot to mention its only phone sex and neither lives in Detroit anymore. May or may not have introduced sand to Jasper's va-jay-jay.

Adam the Grizz Graham works for a newspaper people like so much they pay for it everyday. His existance legitimizes his brother's existence. This is completely true, but for none of the reasons Bill Holdsteady says.

Loftus use to work at the Metro Times, has sex with Grambo and apparently has no ties to the internet worth mentioning or perhaps in an article about cowardice on the internet, someone was too scared to bring the credentialed down to this level.

Brain Smith, not a blogger but abused. No doubt very shaken up about it.

Then he goes and writes all those bad things about Motorcityrocks.com, but keeping with their new format, only releases them on mimeographed copies from his mom's basement (MCR BURN!)

Brandon has lived in two cities and has opinions. He may be knowledgeable. Time will tell. Or maybe we can get Lester Bangs on the Ouija and find out FOR SURE! (rants need caps, they just do)

Backblogs are for cowards, even though everyone knows they are a great driver of blog traffic and repeat visits and WHA, Metro Times has a backblog that rarely gets a post (much like this blog that also has no readers).

I am smarmy. I am not as funny as Grambo. I wrote something you weren't allowed to read about a use of clip art that was apparently intended to be ironic, but was the kind of ironic that needed a caption that said, LOOK AT THIS IRONIC PICTURE.

To me it came off as someone who didn't know how to use the internets and that's what I wrote -- I was censored by an Alternative Weekly for this offense.

Now this ironic I get.

It's like the WSJ stealing all the happy ending massage ads from the Village Voice -- it's funny because it's unexpected and not in keeping with their editorial values.

In closing Robin Williams, CREEM, CREEM, CREEM, Lester Bangs, CREEM, maybejasperisontosoemthingwiththisblogshitpeaceout.

Bill Holdonloosely, if this whole post was just a veil to make an apology to me about removing my 8-15 word backblog comment. Then I accept.

Last but not least, if you'd care to correspond with someone with a nickname (Grambo gave it to me, I wanted Nutsac McGee) perhaps try using the email address they provided you with.

Good luck to you in all your future endeavors like writing the linear notes for the new album by Mitch Rider's touring bass player which will never be read because downloads don't have linear notes. HEY, look at that, I just gave you a topic for a new rant, the end of linear notes. It's a keeper and for you man, no charge.

-gorilla

All the Kids At School Are Talking About It!!!

This has the distinct flavor of a lame episode of Happy Days. Imagine the split screen with Richie on the phone with Webvomit and Ralph on the phone MotorCityRocks... the phone calls then balloon across the screen all Bye Bye Birdie stizz.

The main difference is instead of phones, it's blogs and no one actually speaks with each other.

Of course I'm speaking of the game of chicken Detour and the Metro Times have initiated with each other; both have scheduled local music "festivals" or "showcases" on the same weekend in March. Bottom line, I don't really care who planned their's first or who pissed who off -- it'd be nicer if one event rescheduled to a different date.

Since I have a feeling that isn't going to happen (but no real reason good reason to suspect that) lets take a look at the players.

On one side you have the guy who put together the past Blowouts and who started a website, hiring away the music editor of the Metro Times in the process. The Detour crew is also just coming off a successful launch party that was sort of a smaller version of the newly announced Rock City event.

I don't know what the Metro Times has on their side beside the name recognition of their publication and the Blowout event. Maybe they'll be able to put together a great list of bands in addition to the bars of random metal bands, country bands and terrible bands that all bring some friends to see them. But as I recall most of the cool kids skip these bands and bars on their way to see the side project of Pas Cal's bass tech (they have a bass tech, right?)

My initial reaction is that Blowout won't have good bands that aren't at the Detour event (or at least good bands that I haven't seen 5 times). I say this in part because Detour has Loftus and is run by a guy who's nickname is "Tony Blowout" -- I have this sense he knows how to run one of these events and has a connection or two. I think there is a question as to whether or not the Metro Times even has personnel to organize, plan and pull of this event -- its not out of the realm of possibilities, but they've got to prove it.

Success factor two, the whole issue of my personal laziness (I know I'm not alone here). As much as I like Blowout and trying to remember where the Stanislaws Proletariat Hall of One Legged Veterans is located and not confusing it with League of Undersea Masovian Mariners (hint the later has port holes!!), I am more likely to commit to the Majestic Complex, even if seeing a band in the Garden Bowl blows the entire Detroit’s Defying the Law Bicycle Club after a particularly long and sweaty ride.

Success factor 2.5, the Garden Bowl venue and sound experience may be roughly on par with the LUMM, and while I like Smalls, the New Dodge and even the double stage thing at the Knights of Columbus, the Magic Stick and Majestic are very comfortable and very good places to see and hear shows.

Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but my initial reaction is that Detour's Rock City going to put a hurt on Blowout and it's cool factor may not recover.

Unless of course Fonzie shows up and tells the squares in charge to straighten out their differences before he straightens them out for them.


That Fonzie... he's cool.